I’m thinking that the dance being held tonight, the one I’m helping to chaperone, is totally going to cut into my Friday night ass-sitting time.

For those unaware:  “ass-sitting” is my friend Susan’s original term.  It’s blatant and quite crass, and it’s the single most brilliant thing she has ever uttered.

And I miss her.  Have I mentioned this ONCE in this blog?  Ever?  I do.  I miss her terribly.

“Let’s go ass-sit on the deck,” when articulated in the neighborhood in the summer, at home, means it’s time for friends to gather, for meals to be created out of whatever-the-hell-that-is-in-the-fridge/I-bet-we-can-get-the-kids-to-eat-it, for those same kids to eat leftovers play, for beer and conversation to flow… and it’s that moment when the day improves exponentially, inevitably, in a life is beautiful kind of way.  The song, not the movie.

Because of the friends, ya’ll – is life so beautiful.  These friends who we miss, people!  As in, inordinately!

Sigh.

Susan, Joan and Jane – going right on and ass sitting without me.

For me, in Korea, ass-sitting means looking at absolutely zero papers that I have to grade, getting into my gigantic fuzzy pajamas and poofy socks, flicking through every Korean channel known to man, pouring myself a glass of wine, and staring off into space until it begins to scare the children.

It’s not the same as at home, but it rejuvenates the spirit.

It looks a lot like this. With pajama pants. I lie. It’s just like this.

Ass-sitting.  The hard-earned privilege of humans everywhere!  I think it’s the most important thing we have in common with every single species on planet earth.  That, and the overwhelming need to run when chased.

But after that, have you noticed?  We all ass-sit!

Don’t believe me?  Check this out.

Tell me you’re not thinking SISTAH, I DIG.

I know some of you are wondering in your proper, geeky, scientifically-minded way:  when IS the proper time to ass sit?  How DOES one do so correctly?  Shall WE try this tonight, darling?

And the answers are:  NOW! JUST SIT ON YOUR HEINY AND DON’T MOVE!   And ABSO-FRICKING-LUTELY!

Now go!  It’s Friday.  And that means it’s ass sitting time.

Dear Polar Bear Mama, Somwhere nearby there is a cub.  Or two or three.  One of them is completely capable of getting you a glass of wine!  You should look into it.   Sincerely, Concerned Human Mama