40 is the New Badass!

04 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by in Sans Therapist

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I read that on a bright pink tight fitting tank top recently, and totally wanted to buy it.  But I’m only 40 for another 3 months and from what I hear, it’s all downhill at 41.

I jest!  I just didn’t want to spend $29.95 on a tank top.  Badass ain’t no stupid!

It’s a revelation to accept the changes my heart and mind have made as I age.

Another case in point:  I saw an absolutely deplorable photograph of myself recently – so kindly tagged in another person’s Facebook post – thanks ever so much – but after a second of horrified recognition, I kind of sat back and thought “eh. It is. I am. So what.”

This is a colossal change from the me of my 20’s (the 30’s aren’t far enough gone to reflect.)  And it is wonderfully freeing.  It is also hilarious from a certain slant.  I feel more like I did between the ages of 4-11, when aware of myself, but totally unconcerned with others’ perceptions and just in love with and in awe of life – all at the same time.  Every minute of every day!  Take away:  what I look like isn’t important.  What I’m capable of is.  Thank you 40!

I am also kinder to myself.  I sleep more.  I say no a lot.  I involve myself only in things I truly care about.  I spend more time with fewer people.  I read more.  I keep my mouth closed while learning the clever and beneficial skill of wearing a poker face.  I reflect.  I look people in the eye.  I engage more completely in things I choose to pursue.  I watch less t.v.  I am more interested in other people and their lives.  I enjoy children more.

The List.  Goes.  On.

The photograph mentioned above, by the way, was taken as I finished running a 5K with my son Luke.  It was his first race over 1 mile.  I was proud and honored to be there with him.  And I will not always be able to run alongside my kid.  But I can today.

It is sad, and I actually feel a bit of rage, that I didn’t feel this way about life and about myself at age 22.  Youth, in some ways, is wasted on the young!  But it is what it is.  And I am.  So I say- so what.  One foot in front of the other.

I have friends, or have known family, representing every decade of life, including, as of April 1st, 100!  So my question is this, to those of you older than me:  what else do I have to look forward to??

My Week: #3

28 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in Uncategorized

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It’s been a week full of lowlights – events that are cause for reflection, silence and sorrow.  Next to these serious situations, the highlights are dim.  But I still search for them, as a daisy reaches for the sun through a crack in the sidewalk.

Though none of these events happened to me, exactly, they happened to people I love and share life with, and so…they happened to me, too.  They give me a chance to reach out in kindness and to remember how lucky I am.

1.  Last weekend, a good friend’s daughter, while skiing at Sugarloaf, lost track of her friend.  Said friend had gone off the trail and crashed into a tree.  She is in a coma in Bangor.  She is 10 years old.

Life can be turned upside down at any moment.

Life can be turned upside down at any moment.

2.  On Tuesday afternoon, one of my students lost his home in a huge, all-consuming fire.  He returned to school, as normal, on Wednesday, and chose to hang out in my room for most of his day.  I would like to think our little school community brought him comfort and normalcy.

All people and animals are perfectly fine.

All family members, including animals, are perfectly fine.  Go silver lining!

3.  Last Monday, almost two weeks ago, the wonderful Ed. Tech. who works in my room 2/3 of each day went with her husband to Portland where he was scheduled for a pretty routine surgery.  She has not returned because there are complications.  Last I knew their children were on their way to be with him.

4.  Was officially observed for the second time this school year.  Though it went exceedingly well, from my perspective, I anxiously await my written evaluation.

5.  I am kicking serious arse in the Hamlin bracket war for March Madness.  Guy is incredulous and jokingly dismissive, claiming that only the final game now counts. Truth is:  even random selections have just as much chance of winning this thing.  You just never know how a game will go.  As it is with life.

6.  Got a haircut.  Went summer short.  I’m considering throwing all caution to the wind and letting myself go gray.  Soon.  But not today.

7.  Baseball season began.  Yes, the kids have to play in the gym due to snow on the fields.  But I’m excited.  Baseball means warm weather and fun.  This season is one of my favorites!

8.  Only two weeks until spring break.  Guy and Garrett will be traveling back to Korea to visit students and friends.  I, at home in Belfast, plan to do more than my fair share of ass sitting.

9.  It didn’t snow.  We’re almost into complete safety no-snow zone (though I remember that not-so-funny huge April 1st storm a few years back.  Therefore,  I do not quite trust Mother Nature.)

10.  Though generally under a blanket of wet sadness this week, life continues.  I am grateful for a healthy, happy family, a warm, cozy bed and home, a job I love and people who make the entire ride worthwhile, all the hard stuff notwithstanding.