Today, I did a lot of things I probably shouldn’t have. Fine, FINE. That’s not actually that atypical for me. I’m just staying, today was a real whopper even by my own slack standards.
It should’ve been kind of like a vacation, really. Luke and I headed to Bowdoin for Junior Olympics USA Swimming, just the two of us. We left home around 9am, stopping by my favorite bakery for fresh raspberry sour cream muffins and hot cup of 44 North coffee. One parent. One child. One radio station. Sunshine after yesterday’s fresh snowfall. It started out so promising.
Anyway. Here’s a list of stuff I did today. Only one does not belong. Can you guess which one it is?
1. Scared my son into twisting his fingers and biting his lip when I passed an 18-wheeler on the right going up a hill, in thick slush on top of ice – because it wouldn’t get out of the passing lane and wouldn’t drive above 35 miles per hour. Luke later told me I “ought to reconsider my passing rules”. Oh, yes he did.
2. Ate Reese’s Pieces, Skittles, Charleston Chews and Laffy Taffy. Yes, I’ve done this before. But not for DINNER!
3. Drove around for over an hour trying to find the hotel we’re staying at – which, much to my road ragey dismay happens to be only 3 miles from the pool at Bowdoin. Seven miles over to Topsham, 7 miles back. Around in a giant circle that had something to do with Cook’s Corner. Good times.
4. Stepped on a toddler’s fingers at the pool, making her cry and call me a ‘poohead’.
5. Spilled an entire slow cooker half full of meatballs all over the concession stand and on a very nice man’s very white sneakers.
You get it, right? I’m the pain in my own ass.
Let me spare you all the brain power. The answer to ‘can you guess which one it is?’ is none. None does not belong. I did all of these things. In this one day. Today.
So, since my stomach is still churning and my teeth are still pink from my Laffy Taffy, and Luke and I have watched 5 concurrent episodes of “Modern Family,” I’m going to go ahead and call it a day.
And if Luke swims half as well tomorrow as he did today, I’m calling candy dinner 2 for tomorrow night too.